PL personality theory

An analysis of programmer personality traits inferred from their answer to the question “which is your favourite programming language?”

Algol About to re-enact that scene in Jumanji where Robin Williams has a huge beard.

Basic Remembers a time when you could code a whole platform game with twenty levels in 6k of RAM. Probably works on some trading platform that needs the JVM heap size bumped to 4GB to add two numbers.

C Learnt programming once, what more could there be to it?

C++ Learnt programming once, it was horrible.

C# Wears Microsoft shoes, Microsoft trousers, and a Microsoft t-shirt. C# also goes by the name “Washington State Swift”.

D Probably best to ask again next week.

Elixir I used to be a Ruby programmer until I realised I hate Ruby programmers.

F# Wears the same clothes as the C# programmer but does so ironically.

Go Uses Google+ earnestly.

Java Has hobbies that aren’t programming.

Javascript Look, even Yersinia Pestis was popular once.

Lisp Mostly calm with sudden outbursts of zen.

Objective-C At the intersection of technology and liberal cash. In danger of progressing to Smalltalk.

Perl Stoic in the face of abuse. Ignores it and carries on getting loads of work done.

Python Had an argument with a Perl programmer in 2004. They each think they won; neither is correct.

Ruby Used to use Java but then learned object-oriented programming and had to move on.

Ruby on Rails Like that kid in that movie. No, not War Games, the other one. Home Alone.

Scheme Pretentious. Probably has a blog named for a pun on a classic computing textbook.

Self Slightly further along in their hatred of computing than a Smalltalker.

Smalltalk About to re-enact that scene in Planet of the Apes where Charlton Heston finds the statue.

Swift Like the person who goes into the specialist metal record store and conspiratorially asks whether they’ve got anything by Metallica.

Tcl Submits write-in answers to multiple choice questions.

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