PL personality theory

An analysis of programmer personality traits inferred from their answer to the question “which is your favourite programming language?”

Algol About to re-enact that scene in Jumanji where Robin Williams has a huge beard.

Basic Remembers a time when you could code a whole platform game with twenty levels in 6k of RAM. Probably works on some trading platform that needs the JVM heap size bumped to 4GB to add two numbers.

C Learnt programming once, what more could there be to it?

C++ Learnt programming once, it was horrible.

C# Wears Microsoft shoes, Microsoft trousers, and a Microsoft t-shirt. C# also goes by the name “Washington State Swift”.

D Probably best to ask again next week.

Elixir I used to be a Ruby programmer until I realised I hate Ruby programmers.

F# Wears the same clothes as the C# programmer but does so ironically.

Go Uses Google+ earnestly.

Java Has hobbies that aren’t programming.

Javascript Look, even Yersinia Pestis was popular once.

Lisp Mostly calm with sudden outbursts of zen.

Objective-C At the intersection of technology and liberal cash. In danger of progressing to Smalltalk.

Perl Stoic in the face of abuse. Ignores it and carries on getting loads of work done.

Python Had an argument with a Perl programmer in 2004. They each think they won; neither is correct.

Ruby Used to use Java but then learned object-oriented programming and had to move on.

Ruby on Rails Like that kid in that movie. No, not War Games, the other one. Home Alone.

Scheme Pretentious. Probably has a blog named for a pun on a classic computing textbook.

Self Slightly further along in their hatred of computing than a Smalltalker.

Smalltalk About to re-enact that scene in Planet of the Apes where Charlton Heston finds the statue.

Swift Like the person who goes into the specialist metal record store and conspiratorially asks whether they’ve got anything by Metallica.

Tcl Submits write-in answers to multiple choice questions.

The paradox of scripting

But how can scripting be dead? There’s bash, and powershell, and ruby, and…even Perl is still popular among sysadmins. There’s never been a better time to be a programmer or other IT professional trying to automate a task.

True, but there’s never been a worse time for someone who doesn’t care about computers to use a computer to automate a task. Apps are in-your-face “experiences” to be “used”, and for the most part can’t be glued together.

The message given off by the state of scripting is that scripting is programming, programming is a specialist pursuit, therefore regular folk should not be shown scripting nor given access to its power. They should rely on the technomages to magnanimously grant them the benefits of computing.

If I were to build an automation technology for today’s mobile platforms, I’d probably call it Prometheus.

The death of scripting

Back in the day, when programmers knew that they couldn’t possibly think of everything somebody might want to do with a computer, there were scripts. If somebody could find enough of the pieces of the thing that they wanted to do, they might be able to put them together themselves in furtherance of their task.

Many times, constructing these scripts was a lot like programming the software being glued together. On the Amiga there was ARexx, on the PC there were batch files, on Mac there was AppleScript: all programming in its own right, making new applications out of the ones you’d bought.

Applications. Here’s the dichotomy. Think of two axes on a chart: one axis records the things you want to do with a computer; the tasks you want to complete. The other records the things you can do with the computer: the applications to which it can be put.

These axes are not perpendicular, as if there is no projection into your tasks by your applications. But they are not parallel either. And where the directions taken by the applications are not progressing your tasks, in comes scripting to provide bridges between those applications and take you on your way.

Not all of these bridges are esoteric programming languages on top of other programming languages. NeXT had services, in which applications could publish menu items that became available in other applications where the two were using the same data. Apple took a bit from each column to make Automator, a UI in which you could snap together bits of applications to make your task.

All of this represented a helpfulness and humility on the part of the applications makers: we do not know everything you want to do. We do know some things you might want to do: we’ll let you combine them and mash them up – “rip, mix and burn” as they used to say – making you more satisfied and our stuff more useful.

Sadly all of this utility plays merry hell with branding. Applications aren’t just utilities, they’re icons in the launcher, splash screens, names in menu bars, reminders that I also make other applications and by the way have you rated this one five stars yet? Scripts stop people seeing that, they’re too busy using their computers productively to see the marketing.

And so it’s sad to see scripting die out as the popular platforms for application development fail to support it. Instead of the personal control of the script – I will take this information from that app, and put this part of it in that app – we have the corporate control of the API. This app maker and that app maker are BFFs, sign in here to let them share everything. After all, they know best.

Ultimately the death of scripting is hubristic. We know how you want to use a computer. If you’re trying to do something that we didn’t sell to you, you must be holding it wrong.