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Some so-called expert

There’s a comedy sketch being frequently tweeted called The Expert. Now, all programmers will be aware that there is nothing funnier than interpreting a joke literally and telling everyone the many ways in which it’s wrong, and that there is no way to be seen as a more intelligent and empathetic person than to do this. So here we go: what are all the inexpert things this “expert” does?

Firstly, having been told how important the strategic initiative is, he makes no attempt to actually find out what it is, and how his task is connected to the objectives described. This means that he doesn’t know anything about the context of his work, which is just setting himself up for all sorts of trouble. It’s like a programmer going “yeah sure, I can add a second copy of that goto line” without checking whether they’re working on some sort of security-sensitive module.

He refuses to accept any form of creative solution to the problem, and his project manager is correct to try to tactfully defer his immediate refusal to do the work asked. Immediately saying “no, I can’t do that” is identical to saying “I have never done that, and I cannot imagine any novelty entering my life”. This is not symptomatic of expertise, but of narrow-mindedness.

A pause, and a gathering of resources, leads us to conclude that some of the tasks set are eminently achievable, making this alleged expert look like the comfort-zone-hogging risk-averse luddite that perhaps he is. Of course you can draw a red line with inks of other colours, for example. You simply rely on the relativistic Doppler effect, or on fluorescent properties of the materials. Of course you can draw seven lines all perpendicular, if your diagram can extend into seven dimensions. And that is of course assuming a Euclidean geometry for the diagram; an assumption that our “I know best” expert doesn’t even think to question. Alternatively, you can find out what the time-dependent evolution of the diagram is, as it may be that a total of seven lines that are each instantaneously perpendicular to the other lines present but that do not all simultaneously exist is a sufficient solution. Again, our unimaginative expert doesn’t think about that. In fact, he never really explores whether the perpendicularity requirement means mutually perpendicular, he just proceeds to mansplain to the client representative why he is right and she is wrong.

Assured of his expertise, he then injects sarcasm into his voice in a condescending fashion. “I’m sure your target audience doesn’t exist solely of those people.” Again, this is indicative of a lack of empathy and an unwillingness to consider other viewpoints than his own.

Although, having said that, he’s pretty quick to demur to authority, and on the few occasions that he does want to enquire about the requirements, does not pursue the matter if someone else interrupts.

This is an “expert” who is going to go away with an incomplete understanding of the problem, and will likely fail to give a satisfactory solution. Often such people will then seek to externalise any responsibility for the failure, complaining that the requirements weren’t clear or that the clients had unrealistic expectations. Maybe they weren’t and they did, but as an expert it’s his responsibility to understand those and apply his skills to solving the problem at hand, not to find ways to throw other people under the proverbial bus.

The manager in this video is clearly the sanest voice, and also manages to keep his frustration at his own mistake somewhat bottled. The extent of that mistake? He has contracted an “expert in a narrow field”, who “doesn’t see the overall picture”, and put him in a meeting with their client for which he was totally unprepared. So it’s a shame that the expert’s grandest commitment—to inflate a balloon of unknown quality and structure into the shape of a kitten—is made without the manager around to intermediate. He might have been able to intervene before the physical contact between the “expert” and the designer, which should be considered wholly inappropriate for a business meeting.

Maybe it was a mistake to put someone so junior in front of the client without some coaching. Hopefully, with appropriate mentoring and support, our “expert” can grow to be a mature, empathetic and positive contributor to his team.